The Rose Adventure

or What happens when a non-gardener impulsively buys 15 David Austin, bare root, English rose bushes.

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Obelisks and Hedge Mazes

Last night my mom made a great suggestion. "Why don't you use obelisks for the roses to climb," she said.
"Obelisk?" I had never heard of such a gardening object. "You mean like the Washington Monument?" I asked.
"Yes, only not quite so big. They're free-standing structures made especially for climbing plants."

The boys and I measured the garden-able area of the backyard today so I could plan where to put obelisks. We've got 15,000 square feet of, well, emptiness. There's almost no dirt. I'd say the backyard would work well as a sky scraper slab because it's hard as concrete. 625 square feet is not optimal so that leaves 14,375 to work with. My mom says it takes about 100 years to make 1" of top soil naturally. Which means the backyard ought to be lookin' pretty good in about a thousand years. That was discouraging to hear.

After surfing a while for obelisk info, I found some great structures that look lovely. Master Garden Products has some nice wood obelisks. I really like their West Obelisk with lattice up the sides.

Garden Artisans has some positively gorgeous Rose Pillars of wrought iron, to which I am partial. I had no idea there was such a thing as garden obelisks and rose pillars. Go figure.

The reason I bought climbing roses for the back yard is the deer. I hate those creatures. They ate our entire vegetable garden the first year we moved in and we didn't get one bean. Not one bean! And they even ate every jalapeno pepper too. I haven't planted in the backyard since. I figure if I put the roses up high, the deer won't reach them. And I don't think a deer can climb wrought iron.

After some thought, I've decided obelisks are out. Our backyard would be looking like a Victorian version of Stone Henge with its strange configuration of rosified obelisks everywhere. So now we're considering a mixture of pillars, arches and a pergola. And because of the deer, the roses have to be high. Our discussion went like this:

Me: "We have to get the roses to climb really high so the deer won't reach them."
Head of the Rose Support Team: "HOW high?"

Oh I get soooo frustrated with all those requests for specific details.

Me: "High enough that the deer won't reach them. Say, as high as the deck."

The way I figure it, the deer won't be able to reach the roses and we'll have a lovely view of the roses from the deck if they're at eye level.

Head of the Rose Support Team: "And the deer won't pull the vines down to eat the roses?"

Hmmph. What ever happened to that song "...where seldom is hearrrrrd a discouraging worrrrrd..."

Me: "Well, we'll build a Hedge Maze over the whole backyard around the rose pillars. That way, the deer will get confused and completely exhausted trying to find the roses and then they'll collapse right in our own backyard. Just think, fresh venison for supper, roses you can see at eye level from the the deck and a hedge maze to entertain dinner guests! All in one!"

Yep, I'll sit on the deck with a frosty drink in hand, my feet up, gazing at the eye-level roses and croon:

Oh give me a hoooooome, where the buffalo rooooooam
Where the ...um... UNMENTIONABLE ANIMALS, and the antelope play
Where seldom is hearrrrrrd, a discouraging worrrrrrd
And the skys are not cloudy all day.

Home, home on the range
Where the UNMENTIONABLE ANIMALS never dare play
Or I'll spit in their eyes, to their beastly surprise
Right before they get grilled and filleted.

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