A "Bird's Eye View Garden"

That's what we need!!! A "Bird's Eye View Garden!" I just figured it out this evening and I'm really excited about it.

We have a Serious Landscaping Problem. No wonder I've been having trouble figuring out the backyard. Too bad there isn't a "Can This Backyard Be Saved" TV show because our yard would definitely qualify. Here are the obstacles we have to overcome:

1. When you look out at the backyard from in the house, you see.... AIR! The very first view our guests get of our backyard is air because the house is a split-level. So the sliding glass doors open to the deck, which is about 10' above grass level.

2. Whatever landscaping we do in the backyard has to look good from a bird's eye view. So that means the placement of the arbor and pergola have to look great from the top. As the guests slowly walk down the stairs, the arbor and pergola still have to look good from all angles.

3. As guests look out over the backyard from the deck, they should find it inviting. Otherwise, they're not going to want to trek down 12 steps to get to grass level.

4. The yard is flat, flat, flat. No texture. No interest. No enticing nooks and shady crannies. It's the blahest yard I've ever seen.

5. Deer.

Now that I've finally figured out the obstacles, it should be way easier to plan the landscaping. (Ha, I'm actually sounding like I know what I'm talking about! Scary how education just creeps up on ya.)

No wonder I haven't been able to shake the idea of a hedge maze. The "Bird's Eye View Garden" stuff is the perfect reason to have a maze. And a reflecting pool. And a meandering stone wall and rose covered trellises and a prince down below singing love songs...

I need texture! I need interest! I need to add mystery to an utterly boring and naked yard. Which is why I just ordered some new gardening books. They sound super. I can't wait to check out Creating Beds and Borders: Creative Ideas from America's Best Gardeners (Fine Gardening Design Guides) by Taunton. Our backyard desperately needs lots of beds and borders.

I also got Stonescaping Idea Book by Taunton. That's my new Plan B for a hedgeless maze. I think a stone maze would look fun from the deck. I haven't looked into the price of stone and really, really hope it isn't as expensive as a zillion boxwood plants. My parents' home is built on top of their own stone quarry but they live 500 miles away. So to rent a truck and harvest a free truckload of stone from them would probably be more expensive than buying it local. My dad made the most splendid stone walls and I'm hoping to duplicate some meandering walls in the backyard.

I can't wait to get the new books and they better get here quick because the Garage Garden is looking scarier every day. I'm afraid we'll have to move the tools out to the backyard to make room for the Garden in the garage if we don't do something soon.

Garage Box Gardens

The only interesting gardening-related event the past week was 12 yo son putting spare coconut fiber basket liners to good use. Yes, he's playing a gaming device and yes he's unaware that I took the photo to share with his Grandma. We've always encouraged the children to be creative.

Today I checked on my garden growing in the garage. I have plants growing in boxes, a garbage can and a pail. They all look sprightly to me. That's good because I need all the encouragment I can get now that I've managed to kill another plant. I had no idea the temp would dip that low on the back deck the other night. I forgot I was letting last year's hanging basket get a little suntan. It's a good thing I haven't gotten around to planting everything out back yet.

Do all gardeners have plants destined for the outdoors growing in their garages at this time of year? I don't know what I'll do if the (I don't remember how many I ordered) Cascading Petunias arrive while the weather is too cold for them. I counted six rosebuds on the miniature roses in the garage and they're not even planted yet!

More boxes with air holes

Yesterday there were the three Purple Fragrant Lavender plants in the box on my doorstep. Even though the stems are only about 3" high, there was a rush of lavender scent whooshing from the box when I opened it. Wow. What an exquisite experience! To be able to hold the live source of my favorite scent is to feel very close to the Creator. The plants are quite healthy looking. I hope they can wait till the weather warms here before I plant them. I'm pining for confirmation that we won't have any more nights below freezing.

Today's air-holed box contained 9 small pots of Carpet Phlox, Moorheim Beauty, White Delight and Sapphire Blue. I'm assuming the remaining 3 Scarlet Flame plants will arrive in a separate box. The plants look healthy although they probably could use some sun. I can't wait to see them spread out all over our front hillside. Yes! I'm hoping that's the perfect spot because the soil is acidic from all the pine needles and there is partial shade.

The other day a friend sent a link to this funky-looking ScareCrow Motion Activated Sprinkler Sytem. And for the first time, I'm spending my days thinking more of actually enjoying my flowers than dreading their death-by-consumption. Yay for technology! I'm going to do some serious surfing for, what did she call it?... yeah, an "animal deterrent". Nice.

I'm starting to feel like an infomercial for Spring Hill Nurseries. I'm so new at gardening that I barely know what other nurseries are out there. I have yet to check out any local nurseries here. My mom has, on numerous occasions, encouraged me to support my local nursery because "they know what grows best in your area." She's absolutely right. In the meantime, I'm thrilled to death that my first experience with mail order gardening is a positive one. Quite Nice.

Boxes with Air Holes and Ready-made Gardens

Even before I opened the door, I could hear their pitiful cries coming from the front porch. There, tossed casually on my doorstep, was a box. Around the sides of the box were air holes. Coming through the air holes were squeaky voices crying "Plant me!" "No, ME!" "No, I'm thirstier than you because I have NO dirt!" "I'm DYING, PLANT ME FIRST!"

I carried the box inside and inspected the contents - one white plastic bag labeled Mixed Oriental Poppies and two white plastic bags of Echinops Ritro. All looked dead, typical and I suppose perfectly normal.

The Echinops bag lists:
QTY: 3
Height 30"-38"
Spacing: 12-24"
Depth: Crown at soil line
Full Sun to Partial Shade.

I don't know what "crown at soil line" means. The Mixed Oriental Poppies bag lists:
QTY: 3
Height: 24"-48"
Spacing 18-24"
Depth: Crown slightly below soil line.
Full Sun to Partial Shade.
May Contain: Brilliant, Q Alexander, Royal Wedding, Prince of Orange.

I'm feeling more and more royal every day, now that I've declared myself Princess, I'm planning a moat, "crowning" plants and planting "princes". Alas, I just don't feel confident I'll do these flowers justice. That's probably why princesses hire gardeners and landscapers.

When I bought the Echinops, I had visions of my mom's gardens. Her Echinops and Poppies stand exquisite and stately between the arbor and the water garden. My backyard has no picturesque places to fill. I'm starting from scratch. I'm trying to oasify a dessert, a parched, arid plain where the unmentionable animals reign defiantly.

Today I decided to study landscaping books to help me figure out where to put the poppies and thistle. The other day a friend and I sat at lunch and she said "So, where is your garden? In the backyard?"
"No," I replied, "it's all over the front and backyard."
She laughed and said "What do you mean, 'it's all over'? You told me you were gardening, so where is the garden?"
After I told her about the roses in the front yard, by the mailbox, around the house, on the deck and in the backyard, she said "That's not gardening, that's landscaping!"

Landscaping? Landscaping? Is that what I'm doing? sigh. So now I'm studying landscaping books and pre-designed gardens. I discovered a number of nurseries online that sell entire, ready-made, gardens. Ripe for the planting. I should have just gone with one of those instead of trying to do it on my own. These ready-made gardens come complete with little sketches labeled "Plant Bulbs A in this spot and Flowers B in spots m and q."

Wayside Gardens has a Tuscany Garden ready to plant on your Mediterranean deck.
Spring Hill has a complete Three Season Garden plan that keeps on blooming and blooming.
Audubon Workshop has gardens to attract birds and butterflies.

And then there is a book called The Garden Planner. It looks good. I just ordered it and hope there are treatments for my yard. I need something like Deer-Resistent, Soil-less, Poor Drainage Garden.

The BBC website on Gardening has a great feature to let you plan a garden virtually. You download and install the program and then design a garden according to the area you want to cover. I had fun designing a garden in a distorted horseshoe shape and stuck random plants and trees all over it. I can see that I need more guidance. I'll have to study their design contest winners. That's new to me that people actually compete for gardening design. Wow. I'm hoping to explore the program further and see if they have a custom moat feature.

My optimism has me believing I can build and install two arbors and a pergola, plant numerous flowers of varying heights and sun needs, and keep deer away from expensive roses. My optimism makes me believe the world is my garden and moats are a feasible landscaping option. My optimism has me convinced anyone can grow roses. You just have to listen to them and give them what they need. "Plant me!" "I'm thirsty!" "Ah, more sun." "Watch out! Deer!" "Woops, there goes Sceptre'd Isle's crown..."

Using Moats as Landscaping Features

This morning we planted three roses on the deck in the three big planters. White Fair Bianca went in the terra cotta planter in the corner of the deck above the Blush Noisette down below. Hopefully the pink Noisette will climb high enough up the deck rails to be a nice contrast to the white roses. Splendid copper Pat Austin went in a whiskey barrel across the deck. The last Sceptre'd Isle went in the remaining whiskey barrel at the top of the steps and will be the perfect topper for the New Dawn climbing the stair rail.

The terra cotta planter took 25 gallons of topsoil/peat moss/composted manure/Perlite mixture and each whiskey barrel took 30 gallons. Moving 85 gallons of dirt is no fun task. So before we move any more roses to the deck to keep them away from the deer, I decided to look further into Using Moats as Landscaping Features.

I searched all over the Internet for "Using Moats as Landscaping Features" but didn't turn up a single "How To" article. So I looked up the definition of "moat". Moat: A deep defensive trench surrounding a castle and usually filled with water. That definition was not very encouraging.

Check out this photo of a castle moat. I'm not sure my property is big enough to feature such a massive trench unless we completely reroute the septic drain field. And then there's the Wikipedia article on Moats, "...deep and wide water-filled trenches, excavated to provide a barrier against attack..." I especially took note of this sentence: "Moats sometimes had long wooden spikes in them to prevent enemies from swimming across." It never occurred to me that deer might be able to swim. So I'll have to line the moat with either spikes or alligators.

A little more surfing led me to this site, Harvesting Rainwater for Landscape Use, by the University of Arizona Cooperative. What fascinating info! A quick survey of the diagrams got me all excited thinking at last I found what I wanted. However, the site is all about harvesting rainwater via berms, bins, moats and landscaped basins. That's great for those wanting to do landscaping in arid climes but alas, I still was no closer to getting my anti-deer moat.

I finally felt I was getting somewhere when I stumbled upon this site: Proposed New Standards for Exhibiting Primates in New South Wales: Using Moats as Exhibit Barriers.

It's basically about keeping primates IN but I figured it would work just fine for keeping deer OUT. Until I read this statement: "A moat of particular size in one zoo may have proved a satisfactory barrier for a particular species where it did not in another."

Which actually means, If the animal really wants to get across, nothing will stop it so you better watch out.

I'm not one to give up easily but figuring out the particulars of a moat has me completely stumped. To figure out the size of a moat, you have to use an actual formula. It goes like this: (length of humerus + length of radius) divided by (length of femur + length of tibia) x 100.

If you do the formula right, it should give the minimum height of the moat wall above water level. Which means I have to catch a deer and measure its legs before I can plan my moat.

Even if I get that far, the next part is iffy. "Trying to find information on how far [a species] can jump is very difficult." and "...species that are prepared to crash down through a lot of vegetation..." to get where they want to go. And lastly, "We wanted to know how far they can jump horizontally so the moats could be wide enough to prevent them jumping out."

What is jumping horizontally? I have NO idea how far/wide/high a deer can jump/leap/cartwheel/thrash and crash. And I'm sure if a deer smells the roses on 15 plump bushes it's more likely to be motivated to do whatever is necessary to reach them.

It's a lonely thought to think I can't consider a moat unless I own a castle in hostile territory. Therefore, tomorrow I shall declare myself Princess, my home a Castle, the Rose Support Team my Henchmen and the deer shall forever be dragons.

[I have just been informed by the Rose Support Team that they refuse to dig a moat but have suggested they are willing to tie jingle bells to all the rose bushes. Tomorrow I shall look into Deer Defense by Bells.]

Tar & Feathers and Pot Preparations

Yesterday, Saturday, I met my non-gardening deadlines and obligations with great success. Woot! But I failed at getting all the roses in the ground Friday. That was a completely unrealistic goal but my optimism is usually out of control anyway. Might as well apply it to gardening too.

Friday's gardening consisted of panicking over the water-logged David Austin roses. All of a sudden, right in the middle of typing, I leapt up, ran to look at them in the garage and decided we had to resuscitate them immediately. So I gave instructions to the Rose Support Team and went back to my typing.

Half an hour later, I checked on their progress. They had properly dumped out the water from the garbage can, hosed off the bare roots, placed about 6" of fancy dirt mix in the garbage can and added the roses. That's when the mistake was made. The Rose Support Team proceded to shovel dirt over the roses and buried them up to their necks, leaving the roses looking like they were tarred and feathered. Gasp! Can't be good.

Roses for Dummies didn't turn up any statements such as "Do no coat the bare root rose canes with dirt," but it looked too awful to be good. We finally figured out a way to clean off the dirt without getting too much water in the garbage can. We filled a spray bottle with water and misted the roses until the dirt rinsed off. Boy did that take a long time! whew.

I read you're supposed to "heel in" a rose if you're not planting "right away". Judging from the little diagram I have, "heeling in" is planting shallow and leaning over. I suppose that's so the roots get confused and go sideways instead of downward so the plant is easy to rip out again. You're supposed to "heel in" if not planting "right away" but what does "right away" mean? When is "not right away"? I had NO idea it would take me so many weeks to figure out how and where to plant the roses or I would have "heeled in" the whole batch. Hopefully, letting the roses spend a weekend in a garbage can of dirt will make them appreciate their new home on the deck all the more.

We're getting closer and closer to the deck planting too. As the sun was setting this evening, we raced over to Home Depot and bought 5 coconut fiber hanging plant liners and 3 big buckets for watering. I looked all over Home Depot for "snap-on bucket comfort handles" but couldn't find any. We finally asked an employee and he laughed and said there was no such thing! WHAT? No Bucket Comfort Handles in this day and age of comfort and high tech? The employee said people just cut a section of garden hose to put over their bucket handles and told me I could have my own island retreat if I would market my idea for the bucket handles.

I have no time to pursue a career in Bucket Comfort Handles and I'm not about to sacrifice a perfectly good garden hose for bucket-carrying comfort. Fortunately, after explaining what I wanted, my husband, resident expert on all pipe and carpentry issues, suggested I try ArmaFlex tubing, used for insulating copper pipe. For just $1.89 we got a six foot length of spongy, black ArmaFlex tube, enough to cover the handles of an entire bucket brigade. It even has a convenient slit on one side with self-adhesive strips for attachment. Very sweet.

By the time we got home, it was dark. That seems to be the story of my life - Gardening at Night. I did not want to give the neighborhood yet another high wattage, spotlighted Gardening at Night show, so we worked in the dark.

I used a pocket knife to cut the coconut fiber liners into pinwheel-looking shapes that will fit flat on the bottoms of the big terra cotta planter and two whiskey barrels. We'll use the scraps in the smaller planters. One summer I had a little planter on the deck and every time it rained or I watered the plant, dirt seeped out the little drain hole and got all over the picnic table and I kept having to add more dirt in the top. Why do they put drain holes in planters? To let out the excess water, not dirt. So how do you keep the dirt in while letting water out? This gardening business is FRAUGHT with unanswered questions. Too many questions, not enough answers, so I make up my own. Which is why I bought the coconut liners when I saw them.

Dear husband drilled drain holes in the bottom of the whiskey barrels. He asked me how many holes to drill but I had no idea. Fifteen seemed way too many so we settled on three.

The whiskey barrel shavings smell downright alcoholic. We saved the shavings but don't know what to do with them. Maybe toss them on the grill next time we barbecue chicken. Since there seems to be some tarry substance coating the inside of the barrel, our shavings are somewhat tarry. Now that will be a new grilling taste: Tar & Feathered Whiskey Chicken. Mmm, mmm.

Deer Dread

The day was gorgeous outside, perfect for gardening. Six David Austin roses still wait in a bucket of water and they now have leaves on their canes. Nine Spring Hill Nursery Miniature Roses are shooting roots out of the bottom of their bitty boxes. The new bags of mulch, composted manure, peat moss and top soil sit forlornly in the backyard while I spent the day hunched over the computer or dining room table all day working. sigh. I have deadlines to keep and there was no room for gardening. And today I got an email that my six Oriental Poppies and six Echinops Ritro have shipped. I don't know where to put them! As soon as I can, I'm going to get lavender. At least the deer aren't supposed to like lavender. Since I'm crazy over lavender, I'm rather fond of the idea of an entire backyard of the stuff. Would deer wander through a maze of lavender? Would it make them sneeze? Is there any plant that deer are allergic to?

I had to stay indoors but the boys got to play outside. They had great fun trying to fly a 9" kite. As the sun slowly slid from view, our youngest son ran in, breathless and said "It's not just a couple, it's a whole herd! At least 11! In the neighbor's field behind our house!"

I got this sick, nauseous feeling and felt like throwing up. Am I a fool to think I can grow roses? I've only ever seen 5 deer. But 11? There's no way I can keep back 11.

Which means, I've got to plant all nine of the miniature roses on the deck, perhaps dig up one of the Sceptre'd Isles to move to the deck and make the raised beds really raised.

And get busy on the moat. I wonder if Alligators can handle North Carolina weather.

Garden Fever and Catalogs

I think I have it. Garden Fever. Gasp of dread. The weather has been cold all weekend and today we had rain. Bummer. I couldn't find Garden Fever or an antidote for it in the medical dictionary or thesaurus. But I did find Cabin Fever: anxiety caused by living indoors for a long period of time; claustrophobia; winter blues and seasonal affective disorder. Oh, and the last definition was temporary insanity. I think the definition of Garden Fever must be: Temporary insanity caused by anxiety over long periods of winter, juxtaposed with the desire for the seasonal affects of living outdoors under sky blues while working in an orderly garden.

Because of the weather, I couldn't plant the last Fair Bianca on the deck today along with the last Sceptre'd Isle and Pat Austin. Nor could I plant the nine new Miniature Roses: Toy Clown, Earthquake, Lavender Lace, Orange Honey, Sugar Plum, Green Ice, Sheri Ann, Rise 'n' shine and Stars 'n' Stripes.

So late this afternoon, as an antidote to my Garden Fever, I tried to find more info on my roses. I found two really great web sites. The first is HelpMeFind.com , "A site devoted to roses and all that is rose related, including selecting, buying, breeding, caring for and exhibiting. We have cataloged over 26,000 roses and have more than 29,000 photos along with thousands of rose nurseries, public and private gardens, rose societies, authors, breeders, hybridizers and publications from all over the world." I could spend hours wandering around this site.

Check out the funky feature on that site where you search for a rose that "sounds like ____". I did words like "teapot" and "glue" but the results didn't actually rhyme. So I cheated a bit and typed in "Zeppelin Druid" but I didn't get Zepherine Drouhin as I hoped. Still, it's a fun feature to play with.

The other web site is Dave's Garden. Really nifty site. Especially the feature where members of the community can upload photos of plants. I got to see 10 photos of Pat Austins. Awesome.

All that reading made me so excited. I decided to turn my Garden Fever into a full-blown case of Gardening Belief. Garden Fever makes you long for what you don't have and you get real grumpy. I was SO grumpy today. Gardening Belief gives you hope that what you don't have might turn into something eventually. Which is why I'm considering another order from Spring Hill Nursery.

Spring Hill has this nifty feature that lets you search for plants by type, amount of sun exposure, zone, color, and, most important, usage. Usage options include DEER RESISTANT. Forget color, cut flower and rock garden categories; I go straight to what really counts - the Deer Resistant category. As a bonus, if you purchase a deer-resistant plant, you just bought yourself a long-lasting category plant. No deer, no death-by-consumption; a real Two-fer-One deal!

Running full steam with Gardening Belief, I called my mom and told her about the stack of gardening catalogs in today's mail. I asked my mom which companies were good. "Oh, that one always goes straight into the garbage," she said about the first. "Nothing I've ever bought from them grows."

It never occurred to me that plants you buy from the catalogs might not make it. I know there's a certain percentage of Fail Factor for cheapy plants purchased from a flea market. But catalogs have a reputation, right?

My mom had never heard of two of the catalogs I received. I told her all about the gorgeous photos. "You know they paint the plants, don't you?" she asked me. I pondered this while she added "Check out the blue flowers. No blue flower was ever as bright as they show in catalogs. Plus, the leaves behind the flowers are all washed out because they don't paint the leaves."

whew. I sure do have a lot to learn. In addition to a garden-vision factor and garden-numbers factor, I now have to add a vendor-trust factor. We're not talking elementary math any more. No, no. We're getting into advanced physics. We're getting into something like, um, maybe Bio-agricultural Engineering Statistics of Modern Grafted Plant Species Physics.

I totally made that up. But it's enough to cause some kind of fever.

It's all about NUMBERS

Ok, just when I saw the light at the end of the tunnel with all this rose planting, TEN more roses arrived from Springhill Nursery. They are miniature all right but they've got thirsty and hungry roots just the same. I was hoping they wouldn't get here till April. But then, I should have taken note about the small print that said " Plants will be shipped at the proper planting time for your area of the country." Since I've never ordered plants in the mail, I had no clue to their shipping schedule. Actually, I have no clue whatsoever about the proper planting time for my area. So I decided that as long as plants keep arriving at my doorstep, I guess it's time to plant! That's easy. Sweet!

Ok, big change today. Yesterday I said that gardening was all about "personal vision". Yesterday I romanticized that it's important to keep that vision alive while you develop your dream garden. Well, today I completely scrapped the "personal vision" idea. Yes siree. Today I realized that gardening is all about NUMBERS. You know, pounds and $$$$$. It's about getting roses 60% off because of a big sale. It's about how many roses you need to plant to outnumber the Japanese Beetles' appetites. It's about how high the roses have to be grown to outreach the salivating mouths of deer. And check out these stats:

David Austin Rose order - $288.00
Spring Hill Nursery order - $76.97
Dirt and Stuff - $106
More dirt and lots more stuff - $266.19
More stuff - $48.25
Total spent so far - $785.41

Last spring we spent about $785.00 on food and clothing. To fund the Rose Adventure this year, we decided to wear the clothes we bought last spring. And we'll probably have to eat just every other day for a month, starting next week because there are more numbers to be added. Such as:

Two metal arbors for the roses to climb - $139.97 x 2 = $279.94 OR Two cedar arbors for $197.49 x 2 = $394.98.
Another half whiskey barrel - $19.95.
Retaining wall stone - $3.97 per rock-looking thing x whatever = $400 (According to the Chief Estimator on the Rose Support Team).
Boxwood for the Hedge Maze - $4.98 per 1-gallon plant x hundreds = Astronomical Amount.
Total - The same amount as the grocery bill for April, May and June.

Therefore, after getting used to eating every other day during March, we'll be in fine form to fast during April, May and June and we'll look downright handsome in our swimsuits come July.

Unfortunately, my husband says he will only cooperate for the month of March and he absolutely wants to eat during April, May and June, so the Hedge Maze is out. sigh. hmmph. sigh. That was going to be my finest gardening adventure ever. And now the deer will find the roses. sigh.

However, on a happy note, today the Rose Support Team carried 300 pounds of dirt and stuff around the house to the backyard and 500 pounds of terra cotta, whiskey barrels and stuff around the house and up the stairs to the back deck. That was so nice of them. Therefore, I've decided to give them a breather before I broach the subject of the moat.

David Austin's English Rose Newsletter

I don't know how I missed the first newsletter but I got the second email issue of the David Austin English Rose Newsletter the other day. It's great! The very first column is Now is the time to... Whereupon follows timely directions and suggestions for rose gardeners. The second paragraph starts out "Don't forget to water." Yikes! I forgot! So today we're giving each of the 9 planted roses two buckets of water because "...drenching helps to encourage their roots to delve deeper into the soil..." Which is good news because all we're going to be able to do all summer is drench. By bucket. I doubt we'll ever have any fancy trickle systems here.

The paragraph ends with "Always be guided by the weather conditions in your area." Ok, I can look up at the sky and even listen to the weatherman. But I'm not sure what "guided" is supposed to mean. I guess if the roses are dry, water them. If it's raining, the chore is done. If rain is in the forecast, don't water the roses but rather go talk to them and comfort them and tell them that you have no idea if it will actually rain or not but that you'd rather have them die of thirst than die by drowning. I'm going to have to work on that "guided by the weather" part. Maybe it's in Roses for Dummies.

The next paragraph is about Pruning. Yes! I need this! I was relieved to read "Bare root roses are despatched ready pruned and won't need further pruning during their first season." I'm not sure if that applies to climbers or not. I had a rose once (all the plants I buy are usually disposable plants because they end up dead) in a pot on my back deck one summer. The lone stem got higher and higher and then, when it was almost four feet high, it got one pretty, little rose right at the top. I was tickled pink with that rose. I looked at it every day. And then the Japanese Beetles declared my rose disposable so they disposed of it. Grrr. That better not happen to my 15 rose bushes. Surely the beetles can't eat all the roses on 15 bushes. I'll plant 15 more next year if that helps.

I followed the pruning paragraph until I got to this next section, which to do right, must be read with a British accent: "Simply remove between a third and two thirds of the height, depending on the effect you wish to create. The aim should be to bring out the natural beauty of the individual plant."

Removing 66% of the plant is way more than removing 33%. The percentage removed is directly related to (said with a British accent) "the effect you wish to create." What effect do I wish to create? I haven't the foggiest! I'm muddled! I'm addled, turbid and flummoxed!

And WHAT is the "natural beauty of the individual plant"? Right now, the roses look like chopsticks with thorns. I suppose than qualifies as some stark beauty. To figure out this "natural beauty", all I have to go on is the David Austin catalog and website. The catalog showcases close-ups of roses so that's not useful as a guide to pruning. I carefully studied the photos of the David Austin Gardens on the web but individual plants were not labeled in his group shots. "OK, all you gorgeous, natural beauties, plump your petals and look this way, smile, say Fertilizer kiss kiss... Click!"

I'm getting the impression that this is all about personal vision. I must not lose sight of the vision that drove me to purchase all the roses in the first place. Festoons, I wanted. Glorious profusion, I desired. Heady fragrance, I craved.

I do lots of arts and crafts and I'm able to get the effect I wish to create with scissors and a glue gun. But working with living plants is a whole new ball game. I have a friend who sticks plastic tulips in her garden every spring to get the effect she wishes to create. She gets plenty of admiration from the folks walking by her property and they don't even notice the tulips are plastic. Sounds like a reasonable plan to me. But since I bought the roses primarily for the scent, hot gluing blooms to my rose bushes completely defeats their function.

Which brings me to my all-time favorite section in the newsletter, the column on Fragrance! Woot! Fragrance is why I bought the roses from David Austin. Hopefully this section will be where I learn the difference between musk, clove and tea rose fragrance. I'm hoping to learn what a "background note" is. And I'm intrigued by how the scent of a rose is determined to be "delicately" scented or "slam-you-across-the-room-heavy" scented. I prefer heavy-scented but I read a website critical of heavy-scented roses. Say what? What is a rose FOR? I'm inclined to believe the critic was accustomed to the light and delicate scent of plastic. And they probably got the effect they wished to create.

Obelisks and Hedge Mazes

Last night my mom made a great suggestion. "Why don't you use obelisks for the roses to climb," she said.
"Obelisk?" I had never heard of such a gardening object. "You mean like the Washington Monument?" I asked.
"Yes, only not quite so big. They're free-standing structures made especially for climbing plants."

The boys and I measured the garden-able area of the backyard today so I could plan where to put obelisks. We've got 15,000 square feet of, well, emptiness. There's almost no dirt. I'd say the backyard would work well as a sky scraper slab because it's hard as concrete. 625 square feet is not optimal so that leaves 14,375 to work with. My mom says it takes about 100 years to make 1" of top soil naturally. Which means the backyard ought to be lookin' pretty good in about a thousand years. That was discouraging to hear.

After surfing a while for obelisk info, I found some great structures that look lovely. Master Garden Products has some nice wood obelisks. I really like their West Obelisk with lattice up the sides.

Garden Artisans has some positively gorgeous Rose Pillars of wrought iron, to which I am partial. I had no idea there was such a thing as garden obelisks and rose pillars. Go figure.

The reason I bought climbing roses for the back yard is the deer. I hate those creatures. They ate our entire vegetable garden the first year we moved in and we didn't get one bean. Not one bean! And they even ate every jalapeno pepper too. I haven't planted in the backyard since. I figure if I put the roses up high, the deer won't reach them. And I don't think a deer can climb wrought iron.

After some thought, I've decided obelisks are out. Our backyard would be looking like a Victorian version of Stone Henge with its strange configuration of rosified obelisks everywhere. So now we're considering a mixture of pillars, arches and a pergola. And because of the deer, the roses have to be high. Our discussion went like this:

Me: "We have to get the roses to climb really high so the deer won't reach them."
Head of the Rose Support Team: "HOW high?"

Oh I get soooo frustrated with all those requests for specific details.

Me: "High enough that the deer won't reach them. Say, as high as the deck."

The way I figure it, the deer won't be able to reach the roses and we'll have a lovely view of the roses from the deck if they're at eye level.

Head of the Rose Support Team: "And the deer won't pull the vines down to eat the roses?"

Hmmph. What ever happened to that song "...where seldom is hearrrrrd a discouraging worrrrrd..."

Me: "Well, we'll build a Hedge Maze over the whole backyard around the rose pillars. That way, the deer will get confused and completely exhausted trying to find the roses and then they'll collapse right in our own backyard. Just think, fresh venison for supper, roses you can see at eye level from the the deck and a hedge maze to entertain dinner guests! All in one!"

Yep, I'll sit on the deck with a frosty drink in hand, my feet up, gazing at the eye-level roses and croon:

Oh give me a hoooooome, where the buffalo rooooooam
Where the ...um... UNMENTIONABLE ANIMALS, and the antelope play
Where seldom is hearrrrrrd, a discouraging worrrrrrd
And the skys are not cloudy all day.

Home, home on the range
Where the UNMENTIONABLE ANIMALS never dare play
Or I'll spit in their eyes, to their beastly surprise
Right before they get grilled and filleted.